Doubts ._.

Did I resemble a doctor or a scientist from the above picture?

Having to talk to my secondary school teachers, I start to realise that not only one but many of my friends, family members, relatives and even teachers encouraged me to become part of the medical line, to become what many called life savers, to become a Doctor. No doubt from young I had once dreamed to become a doctor but it had later undergone transition. I started to dream of another path which till now I still had interest in, that is to become a scientist. Not ordinary scientist but someone that can incur a difference.

I dreamed to safe mother earth, giving a halt to her perishing. I dreamed of inventing a machine that can help safe the environment and still not deterring development of the country. I dreamed of discovering a new formula, a new way, a new system of how the things supposed to run. I dreamed of me becoming a noble prize receiver like Marie Curie in the branch of Chemistry. Merely imaginations that lack of ignition of strength. Merely ambition that my hands are still afar. Merely hope yet miracles would not support. Merely dreams when I am a child.

Some people reckon I had the potential to pursue in the branch of science. They often wondered why I never gave an opportunity to myself to believe that I can become a doctor. I claimed the opposite and gave the same reason to others over and over again till yesterday, I finally found out why.

I always thought the reason why I had a transition in my ambition was because I was afraid to risk others' life rather than mine. To become a doctor, I'll have to believe that I can cure them, the patients' life and death are all in my hands. A tiny error will result in the lost of a valuable life which I will not be able to bear for the rest of my life. However, if I become a scientist, the only thing I risk before my invention is certified and acknowledged to be user-friendly and effective is my own life. A minor fault will be able to take away my life but I am willing to, as long as I am not dealing with other's life. Even if I died as a result of the minor fault, I died in peace, with proud and honour.

But later had I realised that all that was just a small part of it. The main reason was because of me being over 'afraid', that barrier was the one that kept holding me back. I never knew the existence of such barrier.

Many of them said I had the potential to become a doctor, where the salary is set at minimum of a fortune, with fame and the chance to become internationally recognised. I shook my head and laughed when they said that. Seriously, I never thought that far for that particular field of study. What I thought of was to become a scientist, invent something, help people and enjoy working and studying.

This is what 'she' told me after teaching me for two years. Not long, but just enough to see me through. I am the type that prefers to be mentally and spiritually rich but not materialistic. I prefer indulging and exploring myself in the science noble values. I prefer doing a job or a work that can help others and obtain appreciation. I prefer to contribute. That's what she told me.

I thought about it since then. She was in fact, right about me.

I now had a dilemma about what to choose as my career but meanwhile, my heart beats hard on the career of scientist. Beats really hard in the field of Chemistry. That's what I'll follow no matter how impossible and how discouraging as others reckon it may be. As long as there's a will in my pursue in Chemisty, there's a way to reach there, and I'm sure of it :)

Dr Yvonne Choo - scientist :)